


Expectations

by straightouttapopstar



Series: Askran Standards [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: (Kiran makes a brief appearance), Angst, Longing, M/M, Sadness, Wow I’ve been holding this idea in for ages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 19:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12966615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straightouttapopstar/pseuds/straightouttapopstar
Summary: Niles was Kiran’s first summoned hero. He had been with the summoner since they took their first baby step into the Askran battlefield. Since that time, Kamui hadn’t been summoned even once, and Niles began to lose hope.But one day, a miraculous curse occurs.





	Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> Mock exams are taking over my life right now, but they’ll be over soon so maybe I’ll be able to write a bit more ;0;  
> This idea has been in my mind for a few days now, and I’d been very eager to write it down!!! I needed some angst and a reason to cry about my fave ship after all ;-;
> 
> (PS: Kamui is Corrin - but I don’t like the ENG name so I use the JP one)

Expectations. Do we all have them?

Certainly.

Because after waiting for so long in one place, awaiting a sign or a symbol or a vision that’ll save you that just won’t appear, all you have left is expectations.

After trailing along crowds which had been taken to this bizarre castle in the middle of nowhere, attempting to fend off an invasion of some sort (I think; I don’t necessarily follow what the Order of Heroes is trying to achieve, really), your life slowly loses its meaning. Gradually, you become a crumpled piece of paper in a trashed stack, rather than a sheet of gold in a poor man’s house - repeatedly, they say, “you will experience battle, don’t worry! We just have other archers we must utilize first. We’ll get to you one day.”

But after miserably counting every grain of sand while leaning against the castle walls, watching other unfamiliar heroes be selected to do the job, you begin to lose faith. Nihilism creeps up on you and you decide to delve into the familiar melancholic moods, seeing as no one has any particular interest in you. No use. No way to be useful.

That’s just how time in the Order of Heroes flows for me. Day after day.

Although the smiling young faces of the Askran monarchy do alleviate the pain a little - they were the ones who welcomed me first, along with Kiran. Sharena is this tiny little girl - she is cute, mind you, but looking at her stature, you might be a little surprised at how she is able to handle the legendary Fensalir without snapping like a twig in the process. Alfonse? He’s an another story - where his sister is energetic and ready to go, Alfonse is cautious, steady, but brave all the same. His innocent smile is also a blessing - although in my opinion, his freshly carved porcelain would certainly look nicer with a few chips. And then we have Anna, their radical commander - wherever money is, she isn’t far from that place. She’d get her grubby mitts on the kingdom’s entire treasury if only Sharena hadn’t introduced a ban on Anna entering the safe - she usually dragged out a bit more than just a few measly coins. More like a sack full of ancient goblets coated in gold - that’s more like Anna’s daily steal.

  
The Askrans had only been a few from all people I have seen here - Kiran had a mighty team to side with. Some people I saw had been so tall and bulky, I have to admit I’d be rather frightened if one of them offered to have a fistfight with me. Some heroes were extremely petite and the size of an ant, I had to watch out to not step onto them. Despite these big size differences, everyone got along - they even made special societies for categories like weapon types, or shared skills. Everyone seemed to be getting on so well despite being wrenched from their own worlds a few weeks before, leaving family and friends and their country behind. I would have joined the archer society, surely, if even to annoy them - however, a Hoshidan weakling made it a habit to attend as well, and I refused, seeing as our interactions would most likely escalate to a fight.

So I remained by myself.

I’ve been here since Kiran had summoned their first hero. I am Kiran’s first hero. I had to remain at the Askran palace, day and night, rejoicing in the fact that I would always hold a special place in the summoner’s heart. But then heroes with excellent skills had been summoned at extremely high skill levels, with amazing weapons and charm too - and I had been left, shunned, unused. But never sent back.

I was never as happy to be taken away from a place I called home. I missed home - the dusty smell of Castle Krakenburg, Leo’s frustrated grunts whenever I managed to anger someone using inappropriate jokes, Odin’s fervour to become a real superhero - I daresay I missed it all. Although, what I missed the most was a fragment of my heart that went missing, as it remained at home with my husband.

Kamui.

The summoning was a disaster. I was a dysfunctional hero for the first few days, shutting myself off in chambers of the Askran castle and weeping in pain, refusing to leave. I couldn’t believe I was forced to abandon him - I missed his embrace, and his soft warm voice that always stopped my tears like a dam on a river, and his cute little hands that rested on my cheek, and his smile - his trust - his everything. Him. I missed him so much - it felt like my heart and mind had been left in Nohr and I came to Askr with nothing more than a delusional fantasy that never existed.

“Perhaps it was just a fantasy”, I often whispered to myself, which made me collapse in tears even more.

My life had been perfect. Me, Kamui, and our children, living as kings of Valla. I didn’t require nothing else to be happy. In seconds, it was all taken away from me, grabbed from my hands, stolen.

Since then, I have wondered - what if Kamui would be summoned too, and then I would be able to unite with him? What if? It had been a persistent thought that resonated with me even when I was at a complete loss of hope, giving me the strength to stand up and continue leaning against the same pillar in the Askran halls, hiding in the darkness that no one would ever visit. I had observed every summoning session in the corner of my eye since I arrived here - every red orb summoned was an another bit of hope destroyed for me.

None of them were Kamui. And time was running out.

I didn’t think I would be able to survive any longer without him. I wanted to see him and just touch his weirdly arranged white hair and talk with him about everything and nothing and just be present with him. I had always thought we were soulmates - I was never able to be separated from him for too long before I went insane. He kept me alive, in check, breathing.

One day, during a summoning session, Kiran chose a specifically shiny red orb, in the aims of summoning a special, limited time hero who looked as flamboyant and odd as a lit-up Christmas tree in the middle of a sunny beach. Although I was cheering Kiran on so they could summon the hero they wanted to the most, I was secretly joining up images in my mind. Red orb - Kamui is in a red orb - there is a chance Kamui will be summoned this time.

This time, the thousandth try. Maybe this time will work.

When the orb was chosen, the hall erupted with beams of light, and a figure surfaced on top of the summon circle. Every hero in the room watched intently, hoping it was their friend, companion, or family. We all wanted something different. I know what I wanted at that moment.

I wanted Kamui.

The light-veiled figure was lean, not too tall, and didn’t seem too masculine, which disappointed me. But it had chaotic, shiny white hair.

“—My God.”

Kiran immediately turned around and looked at me with surprise, seemingly not recognizing the hero in front of him.

“Niles, what’s up?”

And then he appeared in all his glory. With his black-and-white armour, glistening red irises and the golden Yato. It was him. The pent up excitement in me completely exploded and, without control, I dashed through the crowds towards the familiar figure and encircled his form with my hands, squeezing him strongly in a loving embrace.

He was here. After so many months of torture, he finally came to me. Now, everything would be back to normal. We’d live together in the Askran kingdom, soulmates unbroken, for eternity in peace and happiness and love and everything else we needed. This was perfect.

But I noticed that Kamui didn’t have his usual warmth or eagerness to embrace me back.

When I interrupted the hug and stood in front of him, I noticed that Kamui’s smile was rather lopsided and shocked at what I did.

“Kamui? Didn’t you like the hug? I missed you so much!”

“Uhh...alright. It’s nice you’ve missed me.”

In time, everyone left the circle including Kiran, leaving me and Kamui to our conversations and dealings. This privacy and quiet except for us two was much needed, as I couldn’t possibly figure out why Kamui wasn’t behaving as usual.

“Kamui darling, are you tired? Perhaps you want to sleep?”

His brows were still furrowed in rather disgusted surprise, the cogs in his mind visibly turning and judging the situation.

“N-No, it’s perfectly fine, I’m not fatigued.”

Silence.

I couldn’t possibly figure out what was wrong. Why is it that when everything finally went my way, Naga decided to hurt me even more?

“Which kingdom do you come from?”

“Nohr.”

“Have you ever been to Hoshido?”

“Hoshido—pfft, what a disgusting nation. I’d never set foot in there in a thousand years. They are traitors!”

Ahh, and there was my answer. Sadly, Kamui had come from a time when he had no reason to fight against Hoshido - therefore, he hadn’t chosen a side yet. And as a result, he never had the chance to recruit me.

He never met me.

“Do you know who Niles is?”

“Niles?”

It didn’t seem at all like my name was too familiar to him, although he seemed to recognize it at least a little.

“I think I heard Leo speak about that man...apparently, very problematic and risque, he is. He complained about him a few times around me - but I’ve never seen the man.”

He had never seen me. Never met me. Only heard a few complaints from Leo about me, which put me in rather negative light. This Kamui was only at the beginning of his journey when Kiran summoned him. He was an innocent child, possessing no knowledge on anything.

He was nothing like my Kamui.

“Are you married?”

“...Don’t you think that’s a bit of an irrelevant question to ask? Who are you?”

“That doesn’t matter now. Are you married?”

“No, and I’m not keen on getting married either.”

He sounded just like my Kamui - I remember him claiming that he hated marriages, that they were too loud and busy for him, that he wouldn’t like to get married. But our love overcame that hatred and eventually we got married. We were married, and adopted two girls who’d be the princesses to the Vallitian throne, and everything was perfect.

This moment was a nightmare I wanted to escape.

I didn’t know where to start, or what to do - I felt so confused, my eyes began to tear up. This was noticed by Kamui, who donned his prior shock, as well as the gentle caring smile I remember seeing so often - it made me cry even more, but that didn’t matter. Kamui grasped my two hands with his own, and looked so determined to stop those tears.

“Hey! Why are you crying? Please stop, I don’t like it when people cry...”

“I-It’s fine, Prince Kamui, you may leave me.”

“How do you know my name?! We have met each other minutes ago - how do you know my name? It feels like you’re really familiar, but I can’t really seem to know why...please answer! I wish to know!”

I regretfully smiled through my tears, and despite my voice being of croaking quality, I wanted to tell him everything.

“In my world, me and you were...pretty close.”

“Really? Wow! I never would have come to that conclusion. Like, best friends?”

“We...we got married.”

At that moment, it was as if Kamui stopped breathing in shock. The already silent hall’s became thick with tension and even more quiet.

“We became kings of a hidden kingdom, and we had two children...and one day, I was summoned here, and since then I waited for you to appear. I really love you, I cannot live without you, I want you back so much. Please trust me on this.”

It saddened me that Kamui’s grip on my hands loosened, and he was close to depriving my hands of the warmth flowing from his. I feared this. I feared this exact event but I didn’t know it was possible to happen. I couldn’t believe I’d feel so hurt because of my own husband who wasn’t even himself.

“Do you trust me?”

“Y-Yeah, certainly...!”

“You don’t seem too eager to accept my words.”

“S-Sorry, it’s just a lot to take in, I guess. One day, I’m locked up in a tower, my siblings visiting me and I’m having fun and then the next I am the lost husband of some questionable thief who I know nothing about. It’s...it’s just a lot to take in. Please understand me when I’m saying that I’m trying my best to understand you.”

_Some questionable thief who he knows nothing about._ That’s all I was to him at that moment. I think that the belief that we may be together again, one day, but currently having such a strained relationship was somewhat worse than him being killed during some battle. At least then, I’d be able to honour him somehow, remember him until the end. Now, he was alive and breathing near me but without any knowledge of what happened between us, without any trust for me because of Leo’s ridiculous comments about me and the fact that my behaviour had been a little out of place since we met. He was here - but he was no longer mine. He was in front of me - but it wasn’t him.

I decided to turn around and begin walking away from the abandoned hall, leaving Kamui to chase after me if he cared enough.

Surprisingly, I heard his hasty footsteps trail after me immediately.

“Hey, Niles! Wait!”

“What else do you want to know? Please, feel free to come a little closer...”

I slowed down to a halt and faced him with a smile. I figured that if this whole development must start from the beginning anyway, I might as well use my rehearsed schtick that I repeated a billion of times. Just to him.

“Well...”

“Scared of what I might do next? I don't blame you. I haven't yet earned your trust. It's smart of you to be skeptical.”

At that moment, everything became natural, and it felt like I had gone back in time - like I was still in the lonesome halls of the Nohrian castle, chatting to Kamui nonchalantly and deterring him, feeling curious at how he might react to my smalltalk at the same time.

“No, no... I trust you.”

“You do? How foolish! After all, I don't yet trust _you_.”

“What?! Why not?”

“Because we barely know each other, milord.”

That was a lie. As soon as I had thought of speaking this line, I knew it was a complete lie. I knew Kamui’s favourite fruit was oranges. I knew he preferred to sit in silence than to talk. I knew he had extremely low pain tolerance and low alcohol tolerance, despite trying to hide it. I know he had a tiny scar just below his left rib, a leftover from a childhood accident. I know he had very little self-esteem, and was able to be very easily pressured into doing things he wouldn’t like. I knew he was a sensitive individual. I knew that when he loved, he loved absolutely and completely and without fault.

“Trust is often borne out of a violent confrontation or traumatic experience” - I stated flatly - “I suppose you must have had some kind of blessed childhood, free from worry.”

“I don't remember anything of my childhood.”

Of course he didn’t remember. But I did. All of those evenings when he felt plagued by bad memories of his childhood and facts revealed to him, that he had been kidnapped and that Garon wasn’t his real father and that he caused the death of his biological mother and that the royal siblings were no longer his siblings - I experienced it all. The tears, the regret, I was with him through it all. Ready to help, hug, volunteer as a shoulder to cry into and comfort. I was there.

“My apologies. Clearly a sore subject. Of all people, I should know better than to probe the secrets of a troubled history.”

“What do you mean by "of all people"? What happened to you?”

_Dear Kamui, you will know one day. You will know. I lost you, but I believe I can rebuild this bridge between us. I just know it._

“Oh ho! You offer nothing and expect juicy gossip in return. Sorry, child, but you'll have to do better than that.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed, and make sure to leave comments as well as kudos if you liked it!!  
> Toodles :D


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